My knee-jerk reaction when Kamala Harris first announced Tim Walz as her VP running mate was, Oh great. Another old white guy.
My second eye-roll reaction: He reminds me of 90 percent of the guys who show up in my Bumble feed. If I’m being honest, he reminded me of the ones I tend to swipe left.
But over the past few weeks, Tim’s really won me over. He’s a role model for what it means to be a good American. Nothing against the tall, dark and handsome MTB/ski dudes I’m usually attracted to. Tim Walz is a role model for what it means to be a legitimately good guy. The kind I should swipe right, minus the married part.
For the single men out there wondering what women really want, you can learn a lot from a guy like Tim. Heck, we can all be inspired. With that in mind, here’s some Timspiration for your dating-app profile.
Let’s start with the profile pics. In one of the first pictures we saw of Tim Walz, he’s wearing a T-shirt and flashing a doublewide, double-chin grin. Cradled in his farmer-tan arms is not a fish, but a baby pig. With all due respect to the 100-pound tarpon that you’re displaying more proudly than a trophy wife, I’d much rather be nestled against Tim Walz’s beer belly like that blissed-out pig.
Next, ditch the dreaded car selfie. Imagine a pic like the one of Tim Walz after he signed a bill that gave all Minnesota kids free breakfast and lunch. Instead of a seatbelt, he’s being hugged by a bunch of third graders. Who could avoid and dismiss that kind of attachment?
You might want to rethink the humble-brag shot of you in a tux, posing like James Bond in front of a “Save the children” logo wall. Get real — like the shot of Tim Walz addressing the DNC on national TV while his own kids are behind his back making bunny ears on his head. Sometimes you wanna kill ’em, but as Tim says, “My kids keep me humble.”
OK, since you insist, I’ll give you the hunting pic, as long as you’re not scowling while you point the gun menacingly at the camera, aka, the woman looking at your dating-app profile in horror. If you must hold a firearm, as Tim demonstrates, you could balance the butt of the rifle on your thigh while you kneel in some sweeping, tall grasses decked out in camo and safety orange alongside your loyal and adorable hunting dog (still alive, BTW).
Now onto your bio. A guy like Tim would never use cringeworthy dating-app cliches: “Dating me is like being on a rollercoaster,” “Looking for my partner in crime,” “Went to the school of hard knocks,” “Work at Tell Ya Later“ or “No drama.”
Forget being fluent in sarcasm. Dating-app Tim would be fluent in optimism. Dating him would be like having your biggest fan cheer you on from the sidelines. A fan who’s willing to give you the spotlight — even if it’s the biggest spotlight of all as commander in chief of the greatest nation on Earth.
With dating-app Tim, we can disregard the nerdy granpa glasses, obsession with GIS mapping software and his challenge coin collection. We can overlook the 60-is-the-new-80 hairstyle. We can literally embrace the chubby cheeks and love handles. And yes, we can even forgive the nonstop texts, emails and posts — “Hi, it’s Tim again …”
Because nothing is hotter than a man who is a champion of women’s rights — like the right to make our own damn health-care decisions — and also a champion of humans in general. A man who leads with empathy as well big dad energy. A man who beams love so strongly onto his loved ones that it reflects back onto his own face in unabashed tears of joy.
Sigh. Swipe right. That’s my man.