As a young boy, fire trucks held quite a fascination for me. I marveled at the big red engines on school trips to the station. As an energetic fledgling news photographer, I slept with a scanner to chase the red lights to middle-of-the-night conflagrations. 

Wandering through the Utah Fire Museum near Grantsville in the desert west of Salt Lake City took me back in time. My imagination ran wild walking through the dozens of old fire trucks chronicling the history of firefighting in Utah. Each bright red vehicle told endless stories of its work protecting our citizenry, with brave firemen hauling hoses and erecting ladders to fight raging fires.

Before I made my way back to the fire trucks, the wall display of over a hundred helmets. The yellow and white, black and blue collection painted a rainbow of storylines from the past as they hung silently on the wall.

Today, we all carry mobile devices that allow us to reach out instantly to 911. Back in the 19th century, it wasn’t quite so easy. A display of fire call boxes dating back to 1883 illustrated how Salt Lake City was mapped with specially numbered alert boxes around the city — a system that remained in place until 1985!

As a radio nut, I loved seeing old Bearcat and Radio Shack scanners and other two-way radio gear.

When modern firefighters pull up to a scene, we take it for granted as they haul out hundreds of feet of fire hose. An exhibit traces the history of fire hoses back to Holland in 1673 and modern advances by American firemen in the early 1800s.

But amidst the vast collection of hoses, ladders and nozzles, the fire apparatus took center stage. There they were, all neatly aligned in rows — about three dozen trucks and engines, all looking like they were ready to spring into action.

I remembered the 1952 Van Pelt and 1953 International pumpers from my youth, right next to a sleek 1952 American LaFrance with the flat nose. Stepping further back in time, I could only imagine the futuristic feel of the 1922 Ford American LaFrance engine back in its day a century ago.

There was even a 1927 REO Speed Wagon from Juab County. The trucks, manufactured from 1915 until 1952, were named for company owner Ransom Eli Olds. For me, it was the namesake of one of my favorite rock bands from the 1960s and ’70s.

From the bucket brigades of the 17th century to hand pumpers of the 1700s to modern-day engines, fighting fires has always been about getting water to the fire. That task was aided by advancement in portable ladders in the 19th century to help get firefighters to locations out of their reach.

Amidst the eye-catching big pumpers and ladder trucks, another small vehicle stood out. The tiny red Volkswagen Bug with a big red gumball light on its roof must have been a treasure for the Tooele Fire Department.

Most of all, the displays brought me back to my time as a news photographer in the 1970s. I would love to be among the first on the scene, shadowing the professional firefighters in Madison, Wisconsin. My godfather, Chief Wilcox, was a longtime leader in the department, and he loved having me come by the station with photographs for his firefighters.

But I think what I most took away from my visit was the gratitude each of us owes to the firefighting community. Yeah, it must be really cool to ride to a fire in one of those sleek red engines. But there’s also the fear of the unknown and the pride of knowing that they’re helping keep us safe.

DETAILS

Getting There: Head west on I-80 towards Wendover, getting off at exit 99 and heading south on S.R. 36 between Tooele and Grantsville. The Utah Fire Museum is in the Deseret Peak Complex, south of the Utah Motorsports Campus.

Hours: Friday and Saturday from 11 a.m.-3 p.m.

Fee: Help the museum by dropping a few bucks into the donation bucket at the entrance.

Displays: There are myriad displays, from helmets to hoses, fire trucks to photos. Do take time to go through some of the informational binders around the museum to learn more about the history of firefighting.

What’s There?: Huge building housing dozens of historic fire trucks and engines plus a wide collection of firefighting apparatus in a large 30,000-square-foot museum.

Kids: This is a perfect outing for kids!

The post Sunday Drive: A museum filled with fire engines is a kid’s dream appeared first on Park Record.

This used to be a nice, quiet town. Everything has changed, gotten so congested and expensive. I can’t live here anymore.

This used to be a lively place. Now the town is dead and there are no jobs, and nothing to do. I can’t live here anymore.

Nothing ever changes. This town has been exactly the same as long as I’ve known. I can’t live here anymore. 

You can’t go home again. Well, duh.

How much ink has spilled over Thomas Wolfe’s book? The title, I mean. No one actually reads the novel, published posthumously in 1940.

This is like using “Alice in Wonderland” to talk about something else. “Catch 22” is another, right there with “Mission Impossible.” It’s way more fun to talk in metaphor than in straight up, plain words. Better yet in titles, so compact.

“You Can’t Go Home Again” is another cliché, true. It’s also a root truth beneath the tired indictments of where someone has lived for any length of time, voiced endlessly as if profound, revelatory, unique to this place.

But it’s not. Ski towns, beach towns, farm towns, factory towns, mining towns, every suburb defined enough to have a council and some that do not, college towns, big cities, little ones. This is Dr. Seuss, to fish out another metaphor from authors’ names or nom de plumes.

No place has changed in my lifetime more than Honolulu, where I lived young and returned right out of high school from one of those eternal suburbs, same as ever to this day. No place was more faded and worn out than upstate New York, save maybe the middle of Illinois, where I had the window seat in the 1990s as editor of a local daily in each.

I’ve stayed no place longer than in a ski community that in many ways I have to acknowledge grew better rather than worse, all considered. With roundabouts and development came amenities, more trail systems, better concerts, better athletics, a cancer center, the world’s best orthopedic surgeons, more choice among restaurants, improvements in education and opportunity for the kids. And as here, I could be in the wilderness within minutes, still able to find trailheads without another car in the lot.

An old, old rancher in the Vail Valley long before the ski resorts told me once: “Don’t let anyone tell you it was better then. Trust me, it wasn’t.”

Yet the mournful howls are joined en masse, almost eagerly as if joining a coveted club, a pack of true locals. Yes, all’s gone to ruin, I know. The place is pure hell now, red moon full, greedy monsters all about or else their factories gone for good.

The owners of a fancy clothing store in Vail Village made a lot of noise about bailing when I arrived in 1999. Colorado had voted out the Olympics, but still the skiers came. We learned quickly that you couldn’t get to Denver from there on a Sunday afternoon or evening, same as trying to come up from Denver on Friday nights and Saturdays, all bumper to bumper on I-70.

I respected that the disgruntled couple made a decision to move someplace quieter, one of those innumerable alternatives in the West alone. Doing something besides endlessly griping as if choices didn’t exist. We always have a choice, after all.  

Last fall about this time, I read yet another story about the end of the ski bum lifestyle, the latest of a genre going back to Warren Miller, who wrote a weekly column for the Vail Daily while I was there.

Heather Hansman’s “Powder Days” was a community read in Park City, so you might have read it, too. I loved it, but I also noted with extra interest the weary trope about how those days are all over now etc., etc., etc.

See, she didn’t even start her golden age in Beaver Creek until 2005, living the life and loving it all at a certain phase, just while we adults with kids in a whole ’nother stage of life duly noted others lamenting the end of it all with no hope for evermore as we suffered through a development boom. It’s all soured since, as she’s grown up, sure. Another cycle yet turns.

But you’ve had to have met some exuberant new young bums, as I have, on the lifts right here. Somehow it works, at least for a bit, as it did for Hansman, Miller and maybe you.  

The end of skiing is adjacent to town’s gone to all hell as skiing and ski towns together run at peak popularity in fact. There’s a Yogi Berra aspect to this: “No one goes there anymore. It’s too crowded.” Except here they all are, still, skiing decidedly not dead or even stale.

In a blink this will change, someday. Climate change will have its way, and resorts are likely in the fullness of time to overextend or collapse of their own weight. Park City could well go the way again of a Leadville, or a Sterling, Illinois, or some other ol’ once was, used to be.

If so, the howling will be just as mournful and useless, and shared, the loss keenly felt. I heard it across the Midwest and Rust Belt, unvarnished, unpainted, unrelenting. If one must choose between poles, in rural poverty at least you know everyone in what restaurants and grocery stores are left. And homes are cheap — only you still can’t afford them.  

I confess I’m not with the howlers and the moaners, the victims helpless against the tides, whether flowing or ebbing. If this is you rearing back and opening your jowls, the urge is telling you something: Make a choice. Stay or go. Or make the choice that I see as solid a minority as I’ve ever seen making right here. That is, clamping down on the challenges of too much posterity and all the down sides with that.

There are in fact bigger problems in the world than ours, worse places to live, more to mourn than a long lift line. Just saying. The sun also rises.

Don Rogers is the editor and publisher of The Park Record. He can be reached at drogers@parkrecord.com or (970) 376-0745.

The post Journalism Matters: This thing about towns gone to ruin appeared first on Park Record.

As Summit County looks ahead to being part of the 2034 Winter Olympics in Salt Lake City, we find ourselves at a pivotal moment. The next decade will demand decisions that not only address our immediate challenges but serve as a rallying point to forward community priorities. Reflecting on my experience in Atlanta during its preparation for the 1996 Summer Games, I saw first hand how a city can harness the Olympics as a catalyst for transformative change.

When awarded the Summer Games In 1990, Atlanta was facing significant challenges. Public housing projects, like Techwood Homes, had become stigmatized and perpetuated cycles of poverty. Downtown Atlanta had deteriorated, with businesses moving to the suburbs and leaving the city center blighted. Traffic congestion was worsening, and the fledgling MARTA transportation system lacked the investment needed to adequately serve the growing community.

Enter Mayor Andy Young, who returned to his hometown after serving in the U.S. House of Representatives and as ambassador to the United Nations during the Carter administration. His vision was to use the Olympics as a rallying point to revitalize Atlanta.

Mayor Young knew that while the Olympics wouldn’t solve all the city’s problems, it could accelerate the changes he envisioned. He worked closely with city leaders and major corporations like Coca-Cola, Home Depot, Delta, and Turner Broadcasting to develop a bold plan to revitalize housing, improve transportation, and enhance the overall quality of life for Atlanta’s diverse population.

The result was nothing short of transformative. The Olympics provided the momentum needed to close Techwood Homes, dispersing residents throughout the community and breaking the cycle of concentrated poverty. The Olympic Village became much-needed student housing for Georgia Tech and Georgia State University.

Downtown Atlanta was revitalized with the creation of Centennial Olympic Park, and new attractions like the World of Coca-Cola and the Georgia Aquarium followed. The state-of-the-art aquatic center built for the games remains one of the premier venues for collegiate swimming. MARTA received the necessary funding to expand its rail service, which has continued to serve the community ever since.

I worked with the Atlanta Committee for the Olympic Games as a vendor during this six-year journey and witnessed how the vision of a city in need of change used the Olympics as a rallying point to achieve its priorities while preparing to take the world stage. Athens, Greece, learned a similar lesson when the 2004 Olympics spurred a dramatic overhaul of transportation infrastructure, airport upgrades, and downtown revitalization.

The parallels to Summit County today are striking. Like Atlanta, we face challenges that demand bold action: limiting growth, preserving our environment, addressing housing needs, and improving transportation. The return of the Olympics offers us a similar rallying point — a chance to unite local government, businesses and community members around a shared vision for our future.

But this opportunity will not fulfill itself. It requires proactive leadership, clear priorities, and strong partnerships. We must ask ourselves: How can we ensure that the benefits of the 2034 Olympics extend far beyond the event itself? What legacy do we want to leave for future generations in Summit County?

Our community’s future depends on decisions made today. We should build on the success and legacy left behind by the 2002 Winter Olympics and think about how to use this global event as a lever to address the issues that matter most to our residents. Be it creating sustainable housing solutions, investing in infrastructure, or preserving the natural beauty that makes Summit County unique.

We have a unique chance to shape our community’s future. By setting ambitious yet achievable goals, we can use the Olympics as a springboard to solve longstanding issues. This is our moment to invest in sustainable development, enhance public infrastructure, and create a vibrant, inclusive community that reflects the best of Summit County.

Ari Ioannides is a Republican candidate for the Summit County Council, running for Seat C vs. Democrat Megan McKenna.

The post Guest Editorial: Our challenge, opportunity with 2034 Olympics appeared first on Park Record.

When we moved to Oakley approaching 40 years ago, no one wanted to live here. Our home sat vacant for a year.

Now with Vail Resorts, the Olympics and future Olympics, that has changed. Everyone on the east side has always complained about Park City being near. But to be honest, without Park City we wouldn’t have employment, medical care, open space, trails, recycling, or Mountain Town music.

I just wanted to caution you when you plan on moving to the east side. The reason you come here is the reason I want you to leave some things behind. I often joke that every new homeowner brings a sign package with them that begins with the word “No” and ends with trespassing, fishing, firearms, entry, etc. You’ve got to realize where that locked gate now stands the locals use to walk up that dirt road with their kids, teach them how to ride their four-wheeler, hunt deer, or ride their horses. That riverbank is where our kids swam and tubed on warm summer days. I don’t think you realize what you are locking out and who you are locking out.

Let me surmise the reason you want to live here. It has to have something to do with the beautiful land, the Weber River meandering through the valley, the Uinta mountains bordering the valley, and the lush hay meadows. We appreciate what you may have accomplished in your life, but more importantly we want you to show us who you really are. Don’t let what you have accomplished become more important than who you are.

We welcome you into a community where we share common ground, have similar values, open hands, open hearts and sometimes open minds. We are more than the beauty that surrounds us, as are you. So what we asking from you is to become a part of us. Open that gate, open that dirt road, open that river bank, open that mind, throw those signs away, float that river, fish that bank, climb that mountain, bike down that country road, leave that world you once knew behind you. Like my 80-something-year-old neighbor’s sign says: We moved to the country for the country. 

There was a time many years ago when homes and cars were left unlocked, no one worried about someone breaking in or stealing something from their home. Security wasn’t a big concern. Now we lock down everything.

Neighbors were ones you shared a walk with in early morning and a picnic later in the day. You could count on them when in need. This fellowship is something we all long for, but the obstacles to overcome are many, but we can overcome.

You just have to realize the people here before you came for the same reason. They have wishes and dreams as you do. They wanted to build something, too, but not to keep others away, but invite others in to a community.  

Gary Goog Beroset

Oakley

The post We’re glad you are here appeared first on Park Record.

Your recent editorial “Games could widen fractures in Park City” (Aug. 14), written by The Record’s Jay Hamburger, was well-written, informative, and insightful. 

Rather than one-off, piecemeal, and temporary fixes, our city and county leaders must take the initiative and find comprehensive big picture solutions to our traffic, parking, transportation, housing, and other growth and quality-of-life challenges. Hopefully, the impending Olympics will provide the impetus to spur them on to make tough decisions and implement wise policies.

For as long as most of us can remember, Jay has quietly and competently done a wonderful job reporting on Park City news and events. In this editorial, he once again demonstrated he is an integral and valued contributor to our community’s wellbeing. Thank you, Jay!

Michael Kaplan 

Old Town

The post Right on reporting appeared first on Park Record.

We just completed the National Ability Center Summit Challenge and wanted to thank those who made it possible.

Those of us who have lived here for a while know that the National Ability Center does so many things for Park City. Their programs “empower individuals of all abilities by building self-esteem, confidence and lifetime skills through sport, recreation, and educational programs.” However, events like today remind those in our community who may not know of all the NAC does. If you don’t know about the NAC, find out more about it (discovernac.org).

Aside from educating the community about NAC, the Summit Challenge brings the community together to remind us of the reasons we live in Park City — the people, the community, and the environment we are privileged to live in. We all know we could not have enjoyed this event without the many individual and organization/corporate volunteers.

Many community groups brought a team to support the NAC and our community. Our group is just one that, in the process of riding together, got to know our neighbors better. And who does not want closer neighbors?

Bottom line: Thank you, NAC, for the work you do all year and thanks to the Park City community for coming together to make this event possible. We are counting down the days until Summit Challenge 2025.

Promontory Riding Group: Bruce Thoman (50 miles), Jan Thoman (Sag Wagon), Sachi Rochlin (50 miles), Audrey S Lee (50 miles), Alan Alperin (50 miles), Alex Rosas (80 miles), Glen Roussos (50 miles), Suzane Yamada (25 miles), Lloyd Yamada (25 miles), Howard Dyer-Smith (50 miles), Ann Wagner (25 miles), Kate Wagner (25 miles), Gregg C Lund (50 miles).

Gregg Lund

Park City

The post Thanks for Challenge appeared first on Park Record.

I was saddened to see the governor smiling with Donald Trump at photo op at Arlington National Cemetery.

As I have members of my family that are veterans (including World War II), we all recognize the hallowed ground of Arlington, and to see such disrespect from Trump is somewhat expected, but from Gov. Spencer Cox is appalling.

How many kinds of wrong do you have to have in one picture? A crowd of people smiling, standing on the grave of a fallen solider with “thumbs up” as if they were at a campaign rally desecrates the honor they died for.

Shame on you.

Megan Flannery

Park City

The post What was he doing there? appeared first on Park Record.

The U.S. Farm Bill has a deep-rooted history, first passed in the 1930s in response to the economic and environmental crisis brought on by the Great Depression and the Dust Bowl. It aims to stabilize prices for farmers and consumers, ensure food supply and protect our natural resources. Essentially it connects our food system with the farmers and ranchers who produce our food and the soil, air and water required to grow our food.

Sadly, the number of food producers are declining, farm debt and bankruptcies are increasing, while the demand for food continues to rise due to a rising global population growth. Something is not adding up!

This controversial bill, typically renewed every five years, has been delayed since fall 2023 due to disagreements over how to allocate the billions of dollars ($428 billion from 2018 to 2023) meant to support over two million primarily family-owned farms. Traditionally, most of the Farm Bill funds go toward Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Programs (SNAP). Less than 10% is allocated to conservation programs.  

Climate policy is part of this debate. Climate change can cause catastrophic damage to crops, disrupt growing seasons, degrade soil, challenge water resources and animal health. Addressing these issues requires innovative approaches to energy, water and land management, improved crop selection and soil restoration.

Ten percent of planet warming emissions come from the agricultural sector. Like transportation and energy systems, the Farm Bill needs an overhaul to meet modern challenges of our changing climate. We should be asking questions: Can farmlands become sources of clean energy? Can natural gas, commonly used to produce fertilizers, be replaced with more sustainable alternatives?

Soil health is critical. New practices like no-till and cover crops can reduce water usage, and fertilizer needs, thus enhancing resilience to droughts and downpours while also sequestering carbon pollution. Ecosystems can become balanced and healthy aligning with principles from indigenous communities from thousands of years ago. Current methods have unfortunately prioritized profit over people, animals and planet.

Here’s a key point: The $369 billion Inflation Reduction Act (IRA), introduced in August 2022 earmarked approximately $20 billion for agriculture and conservation funding. This includes technical and financial assistance to farmers, ranchers and forest landowners to address climate change mitigation through water quality improvements, soil health and habitat initiatives. Additionally, it can provide regional conservation partnerships and practices, conservation easements, and technical assistance for five years.

This $20 billion allocation must be protected. Efforts are underway in Congress to reallocate this funding from the IRA to the Farm Bill, potentially diverting it to areas outside of conservation, such as commodity subsidies. It is imperative to maintain both Farm Bill conservation funding and IRA funding for climate-smart agricultural programs — all over the country, inclusive of all sizes and regions. U.S. Agriculture policies have contributed to climate change but with the upcoming Farm Bill and the IRA, we have an opportunity to broaden the climate impact. The farmer will prosper as will all who are nourished by their efforts (us!). 

In 2023 Citizens Climate Lobby (CCL) was one of 644 organizations submitting letters urging Congress to maintain the IRA conservation funding as a supplement to the Farm Bill funding. Learn more about the Farm Bill here: community.citizensclimate.org/resources/item/19/151

To voice your concerns or give comments on the 2023 Farm Bill, email FarmBill2023@ag.senate.gov. 

The Farm Bill can potentially reduce hunger and poverty in the U.S. and worldwide, while providing climate solutions. Together, we must urge Congress to maximize this opportunity. Let’s work together to ensure that our agricultural system, economy, and environment benefit all people for generations to come. 

To learn more about CCL Wasatch Back, email wasatchback@citizensclimatelobby.org

Mary Closser

CCL Wasatch Back, Park City

The post Farm Bill needs attention appeared first on Park Record.

I’m not a fan of the Utah Legislature. To be fair, when looking at the big picture, they get the job done. State government is funded and operates better than a lot of states, the state bond rating is solid, stuff generally works. 

They even try to do the right thing now and then. They are trying to do something about the shrinking Great Salt Lake, for example, while at the same time, goosing growth that is the cause of the Lake’s demise. 

The “must-do” gets done, leaving them far too much time for recreational pursuits like banning books and their creepy fixation on public bathrooms. And creating special entities to build ski resorts without local zoning. 

On your November ballot, you will get to vote on an amendment to the Utah Constitution. It’s an amendment the Legislature thought was so urgent that they called themselves into special session to adopt it, and then also adopted a new statute changing the calendar for proposing and processing amendments, so they could rush it on to the November ballot rather than waiting until the next election, which the current schedule would have required.

So what’s this emergency that has them in such a panic? Has an important part of the tax structure been ruled unconstitutional, threatening the ability to pay for snow plows this winter? Is there an issue with the criminal code that will open the doors of the prisons? Did something change that will allow liquor to be sold any place that sells guns? Did somebody use the wrong bathroom at the airport? No, it’s far worse than that.

The Legislature is in a panic because the Utah Supreme Court recently ruled that even the Legislature itself is subject to the Utah Constitution, and the limits that places on its power. Well, I never ….

Following the 2020 U.S. Census, the states were required to revise their congressional districts so that each district is roughly equal in population. At the same time, the legislative districts for the state Legislature also get revised to balance them by population, and in Utah’s case, to unbalance them by political party. 

The process had been under the control of the Legislature, and they cravenly used it to guarantee political control by gerrymandering districts. An enclave of Democratic votes in Salt Lake and Summit Counties got split up in a way that makes it almost impossible that Democrat will ever be elected to Congress, for example. 

Utah is not unique in the abuse of the redistricting power, and both political parties do it when they can get away with it.   

A citizens group proposed a referendum that required the redistricting process to be taken away from the Legislature and handed off to a theoretically non-partisan committee appointed by the governor. That committee would draw the new maps, and the Legislature could either accept or reject them. Voters liked the idea, and the referendum passed and the independent redistricting commission became law.

The Legislature didn’t like that, and despite the referendum having passed by a vote of the citizens of Utah, the Legislature quickly passed laws that gutted the citizen-passed initiative, and put themselves back in control. The independent committee was reduced to an “advisory” role.

The sponsors of the redistricting initiative sued, and after a long grind through the court system, the Utah Supreme Court, who are all appointed by a generation of Republican Governors, ruled that the Legislature’s actions were, I think the legal term is “bull pucky.” The court said the Legislature does not have the power to materially modify initiatives passed by the voters unless there is some compelling state interest in doing so. The Legislature is not above the law.

The Legislature is having no part of that. They want us to vote to relinquish our (very limited) initiative and referendum power. Without irony, the proposed constitutional amendment starts out:  All political power is inherent in the people; and all free governments are founded on their authority for their equal protection and benefit, and they have the right to alter or reform their government through the processes [outlined in the referendum statute]. And then it goes on to rip the heart out of the referendum statute by allowing the Legislature to amend any referendum they don’t like out of existence. So much for the inherent power of the people.

Then, just for good measure, they want term limits for judges, specifically the Supreme Court justices who had the nerve to suggest that the Legislature is, in some small way,  answerable to the people. But no term limits for the members of the Legislature.

This crap passed the Utah House 54-21, and the Utah Senate 20-8. 

So what do we do about it? Well, first off, vote “no” on the amendment in November.  They apparently need a reminder that they are the hired help, not the owner of this popsicle stand. Then vote against the incumbents who supported this power grab. It’s clear that the only way to change the Legislature is to change the legislators. A depressingly high number of them are running unopposed. No wonder they think they can get away this this stuff.

And just for good measure, read a banned book in the bathroom of your choosing.

Tom Clyde practiced law in Park City for many years. He lives on a working ranch in Woodland and has been writing this column since 1986.

The post More Dogs on Main: Legislature’s latest power grab appeared first on Park Record.

My knee-jerk reaction when Kamala Harris first announced Tim Walz as her VP running mate was, Oh great. Another old white guy.

My second eye-roll reaction: He reminds me of 90 percent of the guys who show up in my Bumble feed. If I’m being honest, he reminded me of the ones I tend to swipe left.

But over the past few weeks, Tim’s really won me over. He’s a role model for what it means to be a good American. Nothing against the tall, dark and handsome MTB/ski dudes I’m usually attracted to. Tim Walz is a role model for what it means to be a legitimately good guy. The kind I should swipe right, minus the married part.

For the single men out there wondering what women really want, you can learn a lot from a guy like Tim. Heck, we can all be inspired. With that in mind, here’s some Timspiration for your dating-app profile.

Let’s start with the profile pics. In one of the first pictures we saw of Tim Walz, he’s wearing a T-shirt and flashing a doublewide, double-chin grin. Cradled in his farmer-tan arms is not a fish, but a baby pig. With all due respect to the 100-pound tarpon that you’re displaying more proudly than a trophy wife, I’d much rather be nestled against Tim Walz’s beer belly like that blissed-out pig.

Next, ditch the dreaded car selfie. Imagine a pic like the one of Tim Walz after he signed a bill that gave all Minnesota kids free breakfast and lunch. Instead of a seatbelt, he’s being hugged by a bunch of third graders. Who could avoid and dismiss that kind of attachment?

You might want to rethink the humble-brag shot of you in a tux, posing like James Bond in front of a “Save the children” logo wall. Get real — like the shot of Tim Walz addressing the DNC on national TV while his own kids are behind his back making bunny ears on his head. Sometimes you wanna kill ’em, but as Tim says, “My kids keep me humble.”

OK, since you insist, I’ll give you the hunting pic, as long as you’re not scowling while you point the gun menacingly at the camera, aka, the woman looking at your dating-app profile in horror. If you must hold a firearm, as Tim demonstrates, you could balance the butt of the rifle on your thigh while you kneel in some sweeping, tall grasses decked out in camo and safety orange alongside your loyal and adorable hunting dog (still alive, BTW). 

Now onto your bio. A guy like Tim would never use cringeworthy dating-app cliches: “Dating me is like being on a rollercoaster,” “Looking for my partner in crime,” “Went to the school of hard knocks,” “Work at Tell Ya Later“ or “No drama.” 

Forget being fluent in sarcasm. Dating-app Tim would be fluent in optimism. Dating him would be like having your biggest fan cheer you on from the sidelines. A fan who’s willing to give you the spotlight — even if it’s the biggest spotlight of all as commander in chief of the greatest nation on Earth. 

With dating-app Tim, we can disregard the nerdy granpa glasses, obsession with GIS mapping software and his challenge coin collection. We can overlook the 60-is-the-new-80 hairstyle. We can literally embrace the chubby cheeks and love handles. And yes, we can even forgive the nonstop texts, emails and posts — “Hi, it’s Tim again …”

Because nothing is hotter than a man who is a champion of women’s rights — like the right to make our own damn health-care decisions — and also a champion of humans in general. A man who leads with empathy as well big dad energy. A man who beams love so strongly onto his loved ones that it reflects back onto his own face in unabashed tears of joy.

Sigh. Swipe right. That’s my man. 

The post Betty Diaries: Tim Walz’s imaginary dating-app profile  appeared first on Park Record.